As grateful as I am for all of the good things that happened to and around me in 2015, I am also glad to see a new year arrive.
I decided this year I am not making any New Year’s Resolutions. Why? Because “resolution” sounds so much like “resolute”, and that word feels so somber and serious and resigned. So instead, I have goals for this coming year!
One goal is, obviously, losing weight. I’ve lost five pounds in the past four weeks – Continue reading “2016 Is Here!”
I used to think there was no way I’d be able to do a 5K. No way! I mean, me run 3.1 miles? Okay… me walk 3.1 miles, even? Yeah, sure – I used to walk all over the place, every day, all the time. That was before I gained all this weight, though. No way could I do it!
In 2011, though, I decided what the hell – I was going to try and walk the 5K at the Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon, even though I hadn’t been walking regularly for over a year. (I lived in Oklahoma City then.) The first time I ever went to a health & fitness expo was that year to pick up my race packet. I was surprised it wasn’t just full of jocks and people I’d have absolutely nothing in common with. One of the ladies with a runner’s magazine (I can’t remember which) began talking with me, and when she found out I was going to try the 5K, she said “Remember – no matter what, at least you tried. That’s more than many people can say.” Goofy me got all choked up over that!
The morning of the race was filled with lightning and thunder, and I was filled with paranoia and anxiety. What if I can’t find a parking space? What if I have to walk a mile and a half to the starting line and then can’t walk much more? What if I can’t even find the starting line? Do I even belong with these people? I can barely Continue reading “About That 5K”
As embarrassing as this is to admit, I am terribly nervous about the 5k this Friday! What if I can’t walk the whole way? What if it’s too hot and I start feeling dizzy? (That’s happened a couple times this summer.) What if I have to take the sag wagon all the way to the end and admit I now have a Did Not Finish for this year instead of another finisher’s medal? (I know – it’s not like a winner’s medal, but we walkers are damn proud of finish medals, too!) What if something happens to my feet or to one of my knees?
I let awful thoughts like this run rampant in my head. It’s not that I want them to – but that I can’t figure out a way to stop them from taking over. I know I can’t be the only one!
Thursday we go to pick up our race packets. Friday we go for the 5k. I know we’ll be grabbing a few things at the Expo, too, like a holy grail item I discovered last year! This is NOT an advertisement for them at all, but just me passing it along – the stuff is a topical pain reliever called Real Time Pain Relief. I doubted it would be effective at all until I tried it at the Expo last year. I get nerve pain in my right hand and wrist – hell, from the right side of my neck all the way down to my fingertips, and so far the only thing that would work would be a bunch of Advil and a really hot hot heating pad. So I tried this stuff and was totally sold when, within ten minutes, the pain in my hand and wrist was gone. (Oh, and it doesn’t stink at all, either!) Through the year, I’ve used it when I’ve had pain flare-ups and when Hims would have backaches, and have now reached the end of the tube. Definitely buying more this year!
Yeah – hopefully they will be there this year…
Another thing I am looking forward to is the plethora of t-shirts that One More Mile always has. Most of them are geared for runners, but you can always find a few that totally work for walkers, as well.
Maybe if I just keep my mind on swag and silly t-shirts, I won’t worry so much about not finishing the walk? Yeah… even thinking about that has made me start thinking about not finishing the walk. Good grief!
As long as I finish… I’m not even aiming for finishing in under an hour this time. Just finishing!
Gotta do a Weight Watchers post here…
Last week I went in to weigh in pretty sure I’d gained weight. Again. Not what I wanted at all, of course, but I just had that feeling. I didn’t gain, though – I lost 0.2 pounds. “Feel good that you had a loss, no matter what it was!” I think to myself. But I’m so close to my 15 pound mark!
Last night was another weigh in, and honestly? I was just not feeling it. I didn’t want to go weigh myself. I didn’t want to see the numbers go back up, because I was pretty sure they would.
See, I was a doofus for the past couple weeks. I didn’t drink enough water. Like at all. I’d eaten too much fast food. I’d been exercising, but I didn’t feel like that was enough to counter the bad eating. And lastly, I ate too much of these neat little sugar-free candy chips that were sweetened with Xylitol – which I have now learned can cause bloating, gas, and cramps. Oh, and makes you run to the little girl’s room a lot. *rolls eyes*
So yeah, I didn’t feel good at all, and wasn’t in the mindset to go to a meeting last night.
But I did.
And though I didn’t stay for the meeting, I learned that I had actually lost more weight – 1.6 pounds! I hit my 15 pounds lost mark! C’mon, guys – do a happy dance for me.
It feels as though I got a reprieve with that weight loss, so you bet I am making sure I do what I can to avoid backsliding (or would it be upsliding?) and gaining anything back. With this, I’ve got four pounds to go to hit 20 pounds off… eight pounds until I hit my 10% loss… and 9 pounds until I get to 25 pounds off. In the past, I’ve sidled up right close to that 20 pound mark, but always stopped short of it and wound up gaining weight back. I’m telling myself not this time. I’m insisting that won’t happen this time.
We’ll see, right?
Throw me a party at 21 pounds!
Going to the meeting last week, I was considering skipping the weigh-in. (You’re allowed to do that once a month, but they suggest you refrain.) I’d just weighed in on Saturday, and honestly? I was afraid I would come in over the 10 pounds lost mark. Still, I put my purse and glasses on the counter, kicked off my shoes, and did it.
And I’d lost another 1.6 pounds! That’s 0.2 pounds away from my 5% goal, too! (The 5% goal is losing 5% of your starting body weight. There’s a 10% goal, too – which I am now 11.2 pounds away from.)
After all that happiness at the meeting – I was lax during Continue reading “Wednesday Weight Watchers Weigh-Ins”
I grew up in a house where food wasn’t wasted. You ate what was on your plate. Mom or Dad made the meals because the kids put too much peanut butter and jelly on the sandwich, or too much salt on the potatoes, or didn’t pay attention and burned the rice. Food was expensive, and not something to waste.
As an adult, food was – and is – something of a security blanket. I went through quite a few really lean years, and I became a food stasher. You know – that person who buys cans of stuff on sale, bags of rice, packages of oatmeal, and stashes them in the cabinets with the intent to eat them. Only a stasher will eat a few of the things and save the rest, because what happens if something happens and there’s no money for food when I need it? So instead, I would go grab something at a take-away place, or “treat myself” at a sit-down restaurant, because doing that made me feel secure, too. After all, if I have the money to eat out, then I must be doing okay, right? And by eating out, I’m saving the food I have stashed at home for when I really need it! Of course, then there are the office goodies. I wouldn’t pass them up – and would tour around for seconds most of the time, too – with that same type of thought in my head: if I eat here, then I won’t need to buy lunch (which I would usually do, anyway), and that will save money so I can go out another time so that will save the stash of food I have at home for when I might really need it. And yes, I would take home leftovers if offered.
A little confusing, right? Hey, I am still shaking my head in disbelief, too, even while I still have those urges.
Food became a weapon, too, after enough relationships had gone sour. I ate because it quieted my angst over being dumped or stood up or cheated on. I ate myself from being a cute, little thing at 120 pounds to hiding away in my “man armor” at 185. Yes, I even called the extra weight “man armor”, because it kept men away from me who would have otherwise broken my already taped-up heart.
By the time I hit 190, food was also a punishment. I couldn’t fit into clothes I wore last year? Fine! I would order a large Papa John’s pizza – with seven or eight garlic dip packs, of course – and by God I would have to eat it all. I would make myself eat it all, because what the hell? I can’t fit into anything, so who cares if I get fatter? I did something stupid? Fine! Go through the drive-thru and order a double burger and large fries with lots and lots of mayonnaise and a large Diet Coke (because I actually prefer the taste of diet). It won’t matter, because I’m a loser anyway, so why not at least do the one thing I know how to do, and that’s treat myself to food!
My last weigh-in was at 236.6 about a month ago. I’ve been sliding between just under 240 and down around 216 for three years now. When I first began Weight Watchers in October of 2012, I weighed in at 226.2. I just knew that by that next summer, I’d be out in the swimming pool, not afraid to show myself to the world!
Yeah, that totally didn’t happen. I couldn’t even lose the first 20 pounds, or even the first 5%. At least I got the ribbon one time for losing my first 10 pounds…
At any rate, I should be weighing in tomorrow morning. I don’t expect a large loss, even though it’s been a month. Hecks, I’ll be happy if there is any loss at all! And I will simply take it from there. I’ll go day by day, week by week, and try to lose this excess weight once again. Because I know I can do it – I just have to do it.
It gets a bit easier after the third day, I keep telling myself. This is the third day of being back on Weight Watchers (for the bazillionth time!) for me, and I think it’s getting easier.
I hope it is, anyway.
I’ve been tracking my food and drink in the 3-month book you can purchase at the meeting places, so that’s been good. Now, actually tracking Activity Points? Not so much. The monthly pass, with it’s free online access and the extra $5 a month for the ActiveLink (WW’s answer to the FitBit), was cancelled last month – which means everything goes back to being done manually. Maybe that’s what I needed? We’ll see.
This afternoon found me at the track. Only ten laps, which is about 4/5 of a mile, but at least it’s something. A couple days ago I did a mile, and a few days before that I actually did two miles! I’m going to blame my small number this afternoon on two things: I’d just eaten at a new Thai restaurant so was quite full, and that the pollen and such is swirling around today and affecting my asthma.
Okay, so that first one is totally my fault and shouldn’t be accepted as an excuse. Hey – gotta try, right? And I gotta stay silly and have a positive outlook, which includes adding excuses so lame they’re ridiculous.
So there.
The good things, though:
There are 150 days until the 5k, which I am determined to finish in under one hour. I’m going to do it, dagnabbit!
Me, Take Three 