This is a repost of something I published on January 10, 2014, on my old blog. I love nail polishes. I have dozens of polishes I can play with, but am always looking for more – and more and more and more! Over the years it’s become something of an obsession for me. (I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have the cash to go have my nails done, huh?) This was the first time I really related it to my body image, though. I’ve gone back and reread this post at different times and it still “says the right thing”, if that makes sense, so I wanted to share it on this blog with all of you.
I know this is primarily a blog about my weight loss journey (with all its U-turns and detours and potholes!), but I honestly believe that feeling good about yourself is an integral part of getting healthy, getting to the weight we are aiming for, achieving these types of goals, all of that. I didn’t believe so before. It was great for OTHER girls to feel pretty and sexy and cute at whatever weight they held at the time, but not for me. Nope, no way. I shouldn’t be allowed the silly frills and fripperies. I shouldn’t treat myself with a nice lipstick or some lovely-smelling perfume. I needed to concentrate on losing this awful 30 pounds.
What the hell made me so special that I should be punished for trying to deal with major depression on my own for years, gaining weight, quitting smoking on my own and adding more weight with that, and the huge upheaval in my life that tipped me way over the 200 pound mark? Am I supposed to be superhuman, to react in a godlike manner to things and not allow anything to affect me?
One hundred ten pounds. That’s 55 sacks of sugar. I can’t lift 110 pounds, yet I am hauling it around on my frame each and every day. I used to have a nice little nearly-flat tummy, one of those with the soft roundness to it that always bothered me because I felt I needed to get rid of the “belly fat”. Yeah, NOW I have “belly fat”. And it’s really, really hard to find clothing I feel good in at this shape and size. (Because yep, the shape is tough, too.) I won’t wear dresses or skirts because no matter how beautiful, it will turn into a muumuu on me as soon as I put it on.
But at 110 pounds over what I used to weigh – and probably won’t see again – I finally realized I can do other things, things that really do make me feel better about myself, even as I am struggling to get to the point that I can bend over to pick something up off the floor without having to squat down to do it. I love perfume, and I will wear it, even if it’s just around the house. Or maybe I’ll just take a nice, hot bubble bath, washing with the matching shower gel, then using the matching body lotion and maybe finishing off with a few spritzes of the body mist, mainly in my hair. (If you spray your hair, or finger-comb a perfume through it, not only will it stay longer, but each time you move your hair, a little snazz of fragrance will escape around you.) And I’ve found a total love of nail polishes.
The polishes are a great way to remind myself I’m beautiful. After all, I see my fingers hundreds of times, if not thousands, during the course of a day. I am typing, making something to eat, petting a cat, opening the mail, reaching for something, rinsing off a glass… all these little things, and there are my pretty, glamified nails right there in front of me, reminding me how fabulous I truly am, no matter what I weigh right now. I think everyone should do that… and if you feel you don’t have the time to wait for the polish to dry, try Revlon’s line of TopSpeed polishes. They really do dry fast.
Now, I was bad, bad, bad and spooned Nutella into my mouth when I should have stuck with just my wonderfully sweet Honeycrisp apples, so I am going to wrap up this entry with a few photos from nail silliness in December. These aren’t all the colors I played with by far, but I took them to post them, so that’s what I intend to do.
This is Lola by Zoya. I would never have grabbed this one for myself – it came free in an order during their flash promos. It’s turned out to be one of my favorites so far! It’s this hot pink, but with an opalescent tone, so you wind up with hints of blue within it. And yeah, I messed up the thumbnail. 🙂
These both are Ziv by Zoya again. Ziv is this amazing metallic gold that was just perfect for the holidays, but I can see wearing it so much more. It came in a little grouping box along with Storm (a black polish with tiny, tiny flecks of silver) and Trixie, the shiny shiny silver version of Ziv.
Indulging my Doctor Who fangurliness, this is “Bigger on the Inside” by an indie company, Nail Pattern Boldness. I can’t help it – I love sparkly, glittery nails, and I love the color blue… and it’s a pretty good version of TARDIS blue, too!
Stay beautiful, girls!